What do you mean, happier?
The word "happiness" is one of the most overused and underexamined concepts in human life. We say we want to be happy, we wish happiness for others, we design entire therapies around the pursuit of it. But what do we actually mean when we talk about being happier? The answer is not as obvious as it seems.
The Hedonic Trap
If happiness means simply feeling good, then the prescription is straightforward: maximize pleasure, minimize discomfort. This is the foundation of hedonic happiness—the kind that comes from eating great food, getting a raise, or spending a lazy afternoon in the sun. It’s real, it’s important, but it’s also fleeting. The moment the pleasure fades, we’re back to baseline, chasing the next high.
The problem isn’t pleasure itself but the illusion that stacking pleasurable experiences will lead to lasting happiness. This is what psychologists call the hedonic treadmill—the more we get, the more we need to sustain the same level of happiness. And when life inevitably fails to cooperate, the crash is even steeper.
Meaning Over Mood?
Some argue that happiness isn’t about momentary pleasure at all, but about something deeper: a sense of meaning and purpose. This is the foundation of eudaimonic happiness, rooted in Aristotle’s idea of a life well-lived. It’s what Viktor Frankl described when he said that fulfillment comes from having a reason to bear suffering, not from avoiding suffering itself.
This version of happiness isn’t always pleasant. It may require sacrifice, struggle, and periods of deep uncertainty. A person training for a marathon, building a business, or raising children may not feel happy in a moment-to-moment sense—but they may still report a profound sense of well-being and purpose.
Psychological Well-Being: A Middle Path
Perhaps happiness isn’t a single dimension but a system. Psychologist Carol Ryff proposed psychological well-beingas a model that includes multiple elements:
Self-acceptance: Feeling comfortable with who you are.
Personal growth: A sense of progress and learning.
Purpose in life: A clear sense of direction and meaning.
Positive relationships: Strong social connections.
Autonomy: Living according to your own values.
Environmental mastery: Feeling in control of your life.
Under this model, happiness is neither about chasing pleasure nor simply enduring hardship for a noble cause—it’s about cultivating a balanced life that integrates both.
The Flow State: Losing Yourself to Happiness
Another perspective comes from Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi’s research on flow—that state of deep immersion where you lose track of time and become fully engaged in an activity. This could be playing music, writing, or solving a complex problem. Flow isn’t about pleasure or meaning in the abstract—it’s about the experience of being fully present and engaged in what you’re doing.
In many ways, this might be the most direct route to happiness: not thinking about happiness at all, but rather focusing so deeply on an activity that self-consciousness disappears.
Contentment vs. Happiness
A final distinction is between happiness and tranquility. Many traditions, from Buddhism to Stoicism, suggest that real well-being isn’t about increasing positive emotions but about reducing unnecessary suffering. If you can detach from cravings, accept what you can’t change, and appreciate the present moment, you may find something better than happiness: a steady sense of contentment.
The Role of DBT, ACT, and Evolutionary Psychology
This debate isn’t just philosophical—it has real implications for therapy. Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) aims to help individuals regulate emotions and build a life worth living, balancing acceptance with change. Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) emphasizes living according to one’s values rather than chasing transient happiness. But why do values matter? Because they increase the likelihood of sustainable positive emotions.
From an evolutionary psychology perspective, happiness exists for a reason: it’s a biological reward system. When we do things that enhance our survival and well-being—connecting with others, achieving goals, contributing to society—our brains reinforce these behaviors with positive emotions. This is adaptive. What isn’t adaptive is falling into the hedonic treadmill, where we chase short-term dopamine hits (from addictions, social validation, or compulsive behaviors) without creating lasting well-being.
So, What Do You Mean by Happier?
If therapy does not increase the frequency of positive emotions, what is the point? The goal should not be to increase overthinking and rumination but to help individuals build a life where positive emotions arise naturally and sustainably. This means fostering relationships, pursuing meaningful goals, engaging in fulfilling activities, and learning to regulate emotions effectively.
Happiness, in this sense, isn’t about feeling good all the time—it’s about creating conditions where adaptive, sustainable positive emotions emerge more frequently. That should be the goal of any therapy, because otherwise, why are we doing it?